Bru's Musings

I'm so freakin' tired of being......I don't know...me, I guess.

I've been noticing old people lately. The elderly, if you prefer; but frankly, when you're 41 (which is awfully close to 50) they're old as opposed to elderly. Anyway, I keep envisioning myself as this lonely, frail, forgotten old woman who talks to herself and forgets to bathe and comb her hair. Hell, that sounds like me now, some days.

My existence seems so pointless. No, I'm not suicidal. But I just can't find meaning in my life. Sometimes I'm so hungry for human contact that I can hardly stand it, but then when I'm around people I feel like my skin is raw and any touch or direct glance from someone will burn like salt in an open wound. At other times I revel in my alone-ness, loving the ability to come and go and do as I please. I don't think I'm missing a male/female relationship so much as friends. Just plain friends. I have family I get together with and I really love hanging out with all of them. I'm such a damned wimp....I don't know why I'm even bothering writing. I can't even write anymore. I'm so freakin' stuffed up, stilted, cut off and empty, there's nothing here.

I'm outta here....