Bru's Musings

Yesterday was a day relaxation....our first whole-family vacation - my parents, brothers and their families - in many years. We spent the day at the beach, huddled behind umbrellas like hermits crabs in their shells, watching the kids play in the water. It was a good day. I hated to leave when the time came.

I find such peace at the water's edge, whether beach or lakeshore. I'm not much of a swimmer, mind you - hate it, in fact, because of a near-drowning incident as a child. But the roar of the waves crashing on a sandy shore, the smell of the salty air and the sight of birds flying and dipping, looking for sustenance, all fill me with a peace and contentment I find nowhere else. I awoke this morning wishing I could meander down to water's edge with a cup of coffee and watch as the sun rose, spreading a gauze of rose, orange and yellow over a clear blue sky. In spite of the salt and sand, I always come away from the beach feeling cleansed, healthy and wholesome. I love the feel of sun-kissed skin and mornings laced with with the tangy scent of sea.

Family gatherings are still difficult for me - the final obstacle to overcome in the land of single parenting. They are the last standing reminder of our missing piece, our un-belonging, our not-quite-the-same-as-others. The truth is, it doesn't matter how many single parent families there are out there...no matter how hard we try to reinforce that we are a real family...no matter that I wouldn't take the toad back if he came begging on bended knee.....we still are not a family complete in the way God intended. Make no mistake - our life (mine and my sunshine's) are much better than they would be if we were still in that situation. But it doesn't mean there aren't still times of regret that life didn't turn out differently - that he didn't turn out to be the man he could've been.

So now I'll turn my thoughts to dreams of sand, surf and sun, concentrating on the best of yesterday's brief vacation, and get back to preparing for the week's demands. I am thankful for days like yesterday....for days like today...for everyday.